Scruburbia
by IcecreamandSprinkles
Summary: Please see Chapter 1 for Summary.


_Hello Scrubs fans!_

_This story is basically a random idea I had after watching a 4 hour Scrubs marathon on cable. _

_It takes place after the last ep of Season 8. _

_J.D, Elliot, Turk and Carla are all still at Sacred Heart, but the point of view/narration has been shifted from J.D to Dr Cox, who in the time since the last episode of Season 8 has seperated from Jordan and become more bitter than ever._

_I hope that the introduction of a new character will spice things up a little with a love triangle and bitter rivalry. _

_I am not primarily a comedy writer, so please feel free to leave feedback. The more you read, the more I'll write, so enjoy!_

_Oh, a small warning, fluff intended. At some point. _

"Dr. Cox!"

I rolled my eyes as the always enthusiastic, sometimes downright-dimwitted J.D stumbled towards me the minute I made my way through the doors of Sacred Heart.

The smell of disinfectant and death made me shudder. Perhaps even more than the presence of J.D who was now struggling to keep pace with me, as I began to make my rounds through the wards. I'd been working as Cheif for a few months now, but it didn't stop me from checking in on a few familiar patients here and there. Mostly to enjoy the gross factor of their festering sores and pussy boils. It's better than any low budget horror movie, let me tell you.

"What is it, newbie. Have you skipped another period?"

"No" His grin grew bigger, and I wondered if he was actually proud of the fact he didn't posses a menstrual cycle. "Kelso hired a nutritionist."

"Don't lie Josaphine." I mumbled, checking a patient's chart. "Your nose will grow to abnormally huge proportions, which, considering its current status, could quite possibly cause someone injuries. More so than it does at present."

"I was suprised too, until I actually saw her. That old dog."

I screwed up my face, "Please don't refer to Kelso as an old dog again, I just threw up a little. Here, change Mr Bartlett's bedpan as punishment."

I knew as well as he did, that that wasn't part of his job description anymore. But the puppy-that's-just-been-kicked-in-the-guts facial expression he wore lightened my mood a little, since having another pointless argument with Jordan that morning.

"Well, he wants you to show her around. If you don't want to, there's plenty of volunteers. Including Janitor, who's been following her around all morning."

"Checking she's not a man, is he?" I chuckled, remembering the horror on Sacred Heart's strangest employee; Janitor's face when he discovered his wife of only a few months revealed to him that she'd formally been a man. The pair quickly became annulled, and Janitor spent more time drinking than cleaning, which was nothing out of the ordinary.

"It's not nice to make fun of people like that, Cox." Elliot scorned as she walked into the room, and gestured to her teeth. "You've got a little."

"Aw, would you look at that?" I spat snidely, "Barbie's pussy whipped the wife."

"I don't know what you mean" Elliot glanced at J.D nervously for a moment, only confirming my theory. The two were trying to 'set me up'.

"Get Janitor to do it." I grumbled, storming out of the room and towards another room. Before things fell apart with Jordan I wasn't so short tempered with the pair, but around 3 months ago they'd become determined to love me up so much I was shitting Hallmark cards and I wasn't having a bar of it.

"But Janitor doesn't need to do consults with her, _you _do!" Elliot called after me, her voice laced with desperation.

I stopped in my tracks and groaned. Unfortunately, Barbie was right-I'd been nagging Kelso for an on-site dietician for years, seeing as how the hospital had a lot of overweight and elderly patients.

"_If_ I meet her, will you leash up Julliet and keep her out of my way for the rest of the day?"

"I think I can find something to distract him with" Barbie fluttered her eyelids at JD, and I cringed inwardly. What was this, Tellytubbies-the marital bliss episode?

"Going to vomit in Barbie's lunchbox in 3...2...1..." I held up my hand for them to see the countdown as I headed to the nurse's station, which to my surprise was concealed by Kelso, Todd and Janitor.

All were talking at once, to a rather overcome looking redhead, who looked to have decided reading a few charts to be her best option. "If you could just show me to my office..."

"They can't, I'm afraid." I interrupted, muscling my way past the men. I could see the attraction, there were no two ways about it, but at the end of the day she was still a human being. She just so happened to own a magnificent set of boobs and legs like granite wrapped in silk. "They're directionally retarded. This way."

She hardly battered an eye at my rude interjection, but simply laughed. "I got that impression. You must be the infamous Doctor Cox. I hope you're prepared for me to take the piss out of you because of that, in fact, I'm thinking of variations as we speak. Especially taking into consideration your first name is Perry. But I think I'll just stick with combo for now."

"Right, well, thanks for the heads up. Considering I haven't yet learned your name the best I can come with at present is Mel."

"For Melons?" She asked, arching an eyebrow. Dear God. This woman was Satan's mistress, I was sure of it.

"How did you know?"

She rolled her eyes, as I gestured towards the door that concealed her new office. "Dr Connel. Doctor Phoebe Connel. Work on that one, champ."

What was I meant to do with Phoebe? PeePee? Weenie? Oh well. I'd met the woman. At least J.D was out of my thinning hair for the day.

"Thanks for the help, Combo."

"My pleasure, Weenie."

"Original." She commented sarcastically, shutting the door behind her.


End file.
